Do you think you’re dating a player? Do you want to avoid being his next conquest?
A player is a man who actively seeks out women and carries on a number of “relationships” at the same time. There are hundreds of courses and books on the market teaching men how to be pick up artists. How to master seduction techniques. How to get women to sleep with them. Unfortunately there are many men buying these products and using these techniques to become players.
If you discover you’re dating a player you have 3 choices – end the relationship, stay in the relationship or decide to play your own game. No matter which one you choose way you need to learn some things to protect your heart.
How to Know You’re Dating a player
- Intentions: Always assume with every date that they have different intentions than yours. Even the nicest guy can exhibit player tendencies if you let him. So always keep your guard up. You don’t want to be any man’s temporary toy or trophy.
- Attention: Look at the amount of attention he’s giving you from the start. Does he seem almost obsessed? Is he calling you often, more often than anyone else?Trying to see you more? Trying to tie up all of your free time?
- Compliments: Is he always complimenting you, buttering you up, making you feel good? Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but does it seem like he’s doing it more than most other men you date. A player will overdo the compliments, which does make him appealing, but it is a warning sign.
- Future Plans: Is he talking about the future after only a few weeks of dating? About the life he wants to share with you? The house he wants. Kids. His Dreams. Is he pushing you into exclusivity? While a man who’s interested in you may do this, he won’t do it as quickly as a player. Remember most men are very slow to do any committed relationship talks, so watch out for this.
- Consistency: Is he inconsistent? Players aren’t the most honest men. So listen to what he’s saying. This is the way most players are found out. It’s easy to keep up the facade over few weeks, but after a few months it’s hard to keep track of the lies.
- Friends: When you’re around his friends do they treat you like you don’t matter or you’re a joke? Do they make no effort to get to know you? They don’t want to get to know you because they know soon you’re going to be replaced by the new flavor of the week.
- Looking Good: Does how he look matter more than your feelings? Players are obsessed with themselves and their needs. If you find that what you need is constantly put on the backburner then you’re probably with a player. Does he need to borrow money from you sometimes so that he can spend his money on looking good? To have the right clothes, the right car, to be seen in the right places with the right people.
- Phone Calls: After you’ve been dating for awhile, has he suddenly become busy? Not answering your phone calls. And when he does call you back he’s always busy and can’t talk for long. No more hour long talks about your future. Just a quick call back so you stop calling him.
- Going Out: After you’ve been dating for awhile, has he stopped taking you out? Do your dates tend to either be at his place or yours? Does he keep you away from his friends or places he frequents? Does the man who used to take you out for dinner now limit his spending to a dollar movie from redbox and microwave popcorn, that he tries to make you pay for?
- Sex and Money: Do you feel like a booty call or an ATM machine? Does it seem after all is said and done that all he wants is sex or money? In some cases it may even feel like you’re paying him for sex.
Players want to have a lot of women so they can always get what they want. Each woman may serve a different purpose. Some for money, some for sex, some to show off. A player won’t commit to anyone and doesn’t want anyone to think you’re a couple because it limits their chances of getting more women. Your best bet is to avoid getting involved with a player int he first place.
If you find that you’re dating a player you have 3 choices:
- End the relationship immediately before it takes it’s emotional toll. Know that you won’t change a player. If you find that you have a habit of attracting players or being attracted to players, stop dating. Take time to look at why this is happening. Build up your self esteem and feel good about yourself before you get back out there.
- Stay in the relationship and eventually suffer for it. Not what I would suggest. But women do it every day. But know that there will be pain and heartache if you decide to go this route. Which is why if you decide to stay with your player I recommend the 3rd option.
- Accept that he’s a player, set the rules and boundaries for your game and casually date other people too. If you keep dating him, change the game. Let your relationship work off of your rules not his. If this means slowing him down, do it. If it means cutting him off, do it. Do what’s best for you, not him. Don’t play his game because if you do the odds are stacked against you. By dating other men you will know and have a constant reminder that you’re not in an exclusive relationship with your player. That’s what the player wants, exclusivity on YOUR part, never his. In time you will find that you don’t really want what your player man is offering.
Before you go on a date whether it’s with a player or not you need to set your boundaries. Decide some time limitations for the stages of your relationship. Know beforehand how slow or fast you want to move into intimacy and exclusivity. The right man will wait. A player will become impatient and eventually stop trying. That’s a simple way to weed them out so you can focus your attention and affection on someone that will love you and commit to you.