I have decided to write a step by step guide to building self esteem. It is based in NLP and is comprised of 6 main steps. Designed to make a fast and powerful change and also to get you on the right track for cementing this change permanently in your life.
Before we can start we must realize that the way we act, the way we think, the decisions we make big and small, are all the result of the patterns we have ingrained into our brains. If you want to build your self esteem to reflect the person you want to be, then you must ingrained the patterns into your mind that are congruent with that level of self esteem.
Step 1 – Decide whats preventing you from getting what you want
If your not already confident then it’s due to things that you have, as of yet, refused to break away from. What are these things? What are you allowing to hold you back from the new found self-image you crave?
Write these down on a sheet of paper, your going to need to know what you must get rid of in order to get rid of it.
Step 2 – Leverage
These are things you have probably known you should change for sometime. So why haven’t you changed them yet? Leverage, you’ve never had enough of a reason too. You’ve never associated enough pain with keeping these behaviors/patterns and enough pleasure to changing them. You need to feel that these are things you MUST change… not should, you won’t make the changes you need unless you make these a MUST!
Think of these behaviors… what have they done specifically to hold you back? How many women have put you in the friend zone? How many have laughed at you? How many times have you felt like shit because you didn’t have the confidence to do what you wanted to do? How many wasted nights have you spent as a wallflower? How many more times do you want these things to happen?
Now think of the Alphas! How would it feel to command respect with just your presence? How would it feel to have the confidence to see any girl and know that you can have her if you so choose? What would you do for that kind of power over yourself and others?
Go back and write all these answers out… If you don’t feel like you absolutely must change now, then either go back over these questions again… or rethink how much you really want to improve yourself. When you know that you absolutely MUST change proceed to step 3.
Step 3 – Pattern interrupt
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.”
I want you to think of the patterns you’ve built like an old vinyl record, and the more we “play” through these patterns the more ingrained they become in our brains. Now picture that you took that record and took a nail and scratched a groove right across it… that might change the way it played a little… now take that nail and just scratch the hell out of it… after awhile it would have so many scratches that you couldn’t even play that record (the pattern) anymore. That’s called a pattern interrupt, and more specifically we will talk about a scramble technic.
I want you to visualize some particularly tough events in your past… your going to relive them as movies in your mind… but your going to do all sorts of crazy things to them, play it at double speed, make the whole world tie-die, play it as a cartoon, play the scene in reverse and play it all these ways mixed together… now think of the event and the feelings you had about it before you scratched your record… it’s hard to remember the negative feelings isn’t it? So start destroying these limiting patterns!
The next pattern interrupt style we will use is kind of like reaching out and pulling the needle off the record when it starts playing. It also creates leverage because your not going to like it. When you feel yourself slipping back into one of those old bad patterns your going to need to do something preset and ridiculous, I like to use the interrupt where after 5 seconds if you don’t get back away from the bad pattern you interrupt by jumping up in the air and yelling out at the top of your lungs “HALLELUJAH! My feet don’t stink today!!”… no matter what state of mind your in that will send you into a different one… plus do that once or twice in a crowded club and you will NEVER EVER want to have to do that again, lol.
Step 4 – Creating the New Pattern
Now that we’ve broken the negative patterns that have been holding us back we need new patterns to put in there place… otherwise the change won’t be long lasting. So what do you do? Approach sets, open singles, compliment an old lady, tell a joke start doing all these positive things in the place of your old habits.
Step 5 – Condition the New Pattern
When your not out doing the new patterns you’ve set up visualize yourself doing them. Your mind cannot tell the difference between something that has been vividly imagined time and time again and things that have actually occurred (from a pattern building aspect). I perfect example of this was Roger Banister and the 4 minute mile. Before Roger Banister it was widely accepted that it was a physical impossibility to run a mile in under 4 minutes… and no one ever had… until Roger Banister who believed so strongly that it was possible and had seen himself so many times in his mind break that barrier finally broke the mark… after hundreds of years of people trying but believing it was impossible… interestingly enough within 10 years after Banister did it 336 other runners had also broken the 4 minute barrier.
Visualize your positive actions whenever you can’t do them, and you will create many successful memories to draw confidence from!
Step 6 – Test it
Here is a brief list of items to check to make sure the change will last… if any of these are not checked off for you, recycle back to step one and go through again until you are sure of your results.
a- Make sure pain is fully associated with your old pattern.
b- Make sure pleasure is fully associated with your new pattern.
c- Imagine your faced with a situation where you would have used one of your old negative patterns, now picture yourself using your new positive patterns. You must feel certain that when an event comes up you will use your new
So this was a primer on using NLP to repattern yourself, depending on how fervently you attack these step results can be seen as quickly as Days, hours or minutes. Any questions on this material (I know it’s kind of alot) go ahead and ask, I’d be happy to answer.