It's As Easy As One Two-Three:
To get the most positive effect in communication with our partner, we should try a more interactive approach. You will see that it will more than strengthen your relationship. Straight-away let me say that when we build up our listening skills, we notice a new spark in our partners and our listening abilities. When they speak to you, look them straight in their left eye. In this way, it will be to them, less domineering on your part, and a much smoother and a softer connection from them to you. When you are speaking to them, it is suggested that you look straight into their right eye they will be more inclined to do what you suggest, and will more readily accept what you are saying. This will capture the eye-to-eye affect and you will have their full attention, and they will be more inclined to listen to you, because this gaze will say that: "I'm serious and I want to too hear me". You do not have to arch your brow or make a stern face to get their attention or for them to actually hear what you're saying with this perfectly placed eye contact. It's just another form of communication.
Do You Know This Person?
Now people, we need to stop choosing a mate that we feel needs saving, in some way. Has it ever occurred to you why we choose needy people or someone who we feel is broken and, we feel, needs to be fixed in some way? Why do we always choose to be the "Florence Nightingale" in our mate's life? You do not even considering the amount of mental and emotional work you've got to put into helping this person to feel useful and happy in their own skin, if this is, indeed their true story. Sometimes, it's just a game that our bleeding heart just does not take the time to see, before we give them our all. As soon as we begin to hear that "somebody done me wrong song", we should immediately think "what's in it for me?"
Think of it for a moment, do you fall for someone that you feel is so misunderstood and that you are convinced, if in a relationship with you, this person will definitely see how a life with you can be the best thing since sliced bread. And, that you will make them feel so strong and needed that they will be spoiled for anyone else besides you? Oh yeah wait, and that you will show them how it feels to have someone who is in their corner and will stand by them, no matter what? Yeah, right, you're not the only one who fell for that one. It is a hard habit to break, and an emotionally, deadly one to keep. We need to reprogram ourselves to cut this method completely out of the partner finding equation.
It appears that when we choose partners this way, we seem to fall for them in all of one to three months tops of just meeting them. Bad business people! Now we can not charge them for how we feel, they did not have to do or say much before we decided to become their savior. If we had just waited a bit longer, we would have seen, clearly, the game that this person was playing. The waiting game! They are just testing the waters to see just how quickly they can get us to show our vulnerability, how easily are we fooled, our naivety etc.? This is done in order to get a feel of your level of weakness. They are wondering just what can they get from you, in, a short amount of time that they could not get from other women, or are you just as strong.
It's Time For That Feel Good Moment:
Effective communication will put the "ole kibosh" on such antics. Try just going with the flow at bit longer, listen to the stories they tell a bit more intentionally, and watch where it quickly goes from there. I'm sure you get the point. When we allow ourselves to continue to go down this road, we must ask ourselves, "do I continue to put myself last, because I feel unworthy of having the kind of relationship I deserve?" or do you reject putting yourself first, for fear that someone else will reject you first? Is this why we continue to choose or select the lower base mates for ourselves? No fears people, it's all self programming and we can reprogram ourselves to get the best of the best that's out there, if we just take our time. We go out, we have fun and it's OK when we go home alone. It's not the end of the world. We save the best for the best that the Creator has to offer us.
The better we learn the skills of communication and enhance our listening skills, we will spot them every time. Maybe we'll even get a good laugh, just before we walk away, on to the next one. Let's face it, most of us are sensitive and loving people. We deserve all of the love, nurturing, and friendship that comes to us from a mate and that we are ready to give in return. We can not and should not give away our power. This is a gift that was given to us from birth, both to women and men. The more you give away the more chips away at your self esteem and self respect. Sometimes, both sexes are just looking for that one-night-thing. Look beyond the obvious, and that unspoken word. And do not be surprised if you get that "ha-ha!" moment.
They do not deserve that from you, and you should not be willing to give it to them, so easily without investing time and patience on your part. The stronger aspect of communication is to listen more than we talk, when we first meet someone. Let them tell you about them. To show that you are actually listening by occasionally repeating what they said, or ask a question relating to a comment that was made and they'll know you are listening.
You Got Him, Now Keep Him:
If you are already in a stable and secure relationship, do you use that old tried and true, listening technique? Ladies, men do not know everything that they would have us to believe, on all subjects. When he is trying to share something with you for the fifteenth time about what is bothering him about you or the way your relationship is going, let's say, and why he's not so forthcoming anymore, but wants to clear the air now, you need to stop and really listened to what he is trying to tell you. Is something happening there that makes him feel inadequate? Just take a deep breath and stop talking. Listening is a huge part of communication, as well.
If you do not learn to listen to your mate, somebody else will! Maybe it's that we fast talk our way through the conversation, and they can not get a word in edgewise. This is after you asked him to loosen up just a bit and let you in. As soon as we hear a statement from them that we do not like, unzipped go the lips and off we go again. Or, we notice a slight raise in their tone of voice, or their emotional expression changes and we feel they are going on the defense. Still we need to keep our mouth shut long enough to let them say what they need to say, and be heard. If you do not the next thing you could hear from them is, "see, this is why I do not talk to you anymore!" Egypt "you just do not listen!" and or maybe they just turn their back and walk off.
It Is Time For A Change:
Enough of that ladies, we have to change our communication methods if our relationship is important to us. It is the pattern that, if all of our past relationships went down this same road, we must stop, now. Maybe that's what they do to us, when we're trying to tell them how we feel, as well. You do not want them to push further away and seek the ear of someone else. We do not need any help from another woman, to talk to our man. Just a little silence and patience will get the job done from us. No outsiders needed, just open and relaxed one-on-one from the two of us. If that moment is too tense, wait for or create that special moment to gradually bring it up, after you both are loosened up and had a few laughs. Ask calmly if you could revisit that topic he was trying to get at, and that no matter what, you are ready to listen, and not a word from you until he's finished. Honest!
Communication is an art and if we really love and respect ourselves and our mate, then we need to practice this skill, at every possible instance, in order to get better at it. Practice does not make perfect, it makes us better. Honest and effective communications will help us to slay that beast. Who knows, just maybe, you've found that diamond in the rough!