Conscious Detachment

Do you want peace in your life? Do you want to feel respected and loved? Learning how to consciously detach can dramatically improve your relationships with your loved ones so they will also feel respected and loved.

Conscious Detachment is emotionally separating from a person. It’s the freedom to own what’s yours and allow other’s to own what’s theirs. When you detach, you let go of your obsession with another person’s behavior and begin to lead happier and more manageable lives, lives with dignity and rights, lives guided by a power greater than yourself.

There are behaviors that can give you clues that you need to detach which include, but are not limited to; obsessing about another person, feeling like a victim, making excuses for another person, worrying, depression, not sleeping, overeating, blaming others, nagging, trying to manipulate, feeling out of control, feelings of urgency that you need to do something or fix someone, feeling guilty that it’s your fault.

Detachment is difficult because of your need to control. You may fear that if you let go of control, something bad will happen. Control is an illusion. You may not trust that the person you need to detach from will make the right decision on their own and that they need your advice. People are often unaware that they have a need to control and are surprised when someone tells them that they are controlling.

Refusing to feel is a sign that you may be controlling. Controlling behavior requires denying, ignoring your own needs and feeling resentful when your needs are not met. When you try to control others and that includes adult children, you don’t give them choices and that’s not loving or respectful.

Examples of controlling behavior may be quiet anger, disapproval, being nice, silence, apologizing, guilt, reminders, suggestions, lectures, complaining, pouting, being hurt and refusing to ask for what you need.


It’s getting the focus off changing another person no matter how much you love them. You begin to focus on yourself and what needs to be changed in you. This is where the power is. It’s getting the focus off the past – what you’ve done, not done, what someone has done to you or not done.

It’s not focusing on the future with all the “what if’s.” It’s allowing yourself to feel your feelings, letting them go and being in the present moment.


1. Get honest with your feelings.

2. Talk to people you trust and understand you.

3. Get in touch with a Higher Power, ask for help and pray.

4. Let go of all anger and resentment.

The first step in detaching with love is to begin taking responsibility for your own behavior. This means that you can no longer blame your loved ones for the way you feel. No one makes you feel anything. It’s your reaction to the behavior that causes you pain, anger, resentment and disappointment. You lose yourself when you become so involved in another’s behavior. Regaining your self-respect and self-esteem is a big benefit of detaching with love.

The next step in detaching with love is acceptance. Acceptance is the key. Acceptance doesn’t mean that you necessarily feel OK about current or past situations. It means that you stop trying to change what you have no power over. Acceptance brings PEACE. Acceptance is letting go of control and accepting what is.