What follows is a list of scenarios. If you should find yourself in any such scenario, GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP or DON’T GET IN IT TO BEGIN WITH! This list is not all-inclusive; however, I think I’ve covered the major no-nos. Read and reread this list. Study it. Memorize it. Any time a situation on the list occurs – end it. You don’t have to think about it, give it time, talk to friends, pray about it, nothing. It’s a no-brainer, leave it alone. Pay close attention.
• If He is Married
Although most might consider this to be common sense, there are a vast number of women who knowingly date married men. Now, there are several theories as to why this happens. For instance, some women who suffer from low self-esteem don’t deem themselves worthy to be in a relationship. Often times, this might be the result of sexual or physical abuse during childhood. Regardless as to the cause, women who fit this category are willing to settle for being second best or second choice.
Another theory suggests that some women are bought into adulterous relationships. Yes, I said “bought” not “brought”. It’s no secret that Married men who are unfaithful typically lavish their mistresses with gifts and money – well those who can afford to do so. Consequently, many women will willingly take on that role strictly for monetary gain.
So, if you enjoy being second best or if you’ve not yet realized that life is about more than just money, keep dating married men. Otherwise, DON’T START A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE ELSE’S HUSBAND OR YOU MAY NEVER HAVE YOUR OWN!!
• If He Says He Doesn’t Want To Be In a Relationship
When a man says he does not want to be in a relationship, believe him! Take him at his word. Don’t try to read between the lines or read into what he’s saying. You are not going to make him change his mind; you are not going to “beat him at his own game”. Just, move on. The two of you are obviously not looking for the same thing. If you insist upon pursuing someone like this, you will, most likely, just get hurt.
Yet, how many women willingly begin dating these types of men thinking one of two things. One, they believe they can keep the thing casual and not get their feelings involved. Why bother? If you are seeking a lifetime partner, not nighttime partner, what is the point of entering a situation where you have to keep your emotions at bay? You want to love and be loved freely.
The second thought process is, “I’ll win him over and he’ll change his mind.” This rarely, if ever, happens. You are wasting your time and effort. In either instance, clearly, this is not Mr. Right.
• If He Just Wants to Be Friends “For Now”
Very similar to the previous one, with one exception – there is hope. A man such as this will lead you to believe that he just wants to take it slow; that marriage and family may be in the future. In actuality, he just wants to have his cake and it eat it too whenever he feels the need with absolutely no commitment at all.
Do not be fooled into thinking that he will “come around”; he won’t. He has no desire to do anything other than put his hands in your cookie jar, so to speak.
If you do insist upon being friends with this type of man, make sure there is no exchange of benefits! Once that happens, he wins and you lose!
• If He Has Another Girlfriend
Somehow or another, this has become an inexplicable phenomenon in modern society. Women are willingly dating men whom they know are dating other women! There used to be a time when this was grounds for immediate dismissal, but now men tell women up front that they are not the only one. As crazy as it may sound, the multiple girlfriends then vie for the man’s love and devotion.
Am I the only one who sees something wrong with this picture? Listen closely – NO MAN RESPECTS A WOMAN WHO KNOWINGLY SHARES HIS AFFECTIONS! No matter what he may say or do, he doesn’t respect you because he doesn’t think you respect yourself – so why should he? The bottom line is this: If you can’t be the only one, don’t be anyone.
• If He Lies
This is probably one of the most difficult areas to decipher. Some women believe a man until he gives her reason not to. Others refuse to extend trust to any man until he has proven himself. Personally, I’d err on the side of caution and withhold trust until it is earned.
A healthy relationship requires trust. It is impossible to establish that trust if one of the parties is a liar. In my opinion, a man who lies is also more likely to be unfaithful.
So you must remember not to be blinded by love; however, at the same time, you don’t want to make every prospect pay for your exes’ mistakes. Pay attention! Don’t overlook inconsistencies. Be smart! God gave you a brain, so use it! And, please, don’t ignore the obvious red flags.
Remember a relationship without trust is like a car without tires – It’s going nowhere!
• If He is Making a Living Illegally
I really shouldn’t have to say anymore. But, surprisingly, many women find themselves caught up with men like this. Why is that? They may believe that these men can provide them a sense of financial security; and then there are those women who just love bad boys! (Mainly the good ones, right?);
Now bear in mind that the term, “making a living illegally” encompasses many activities. At first thought, one might think of a drug dealer, booster or robber. But, let’s not forget about those who are involved in white-collar crimes, such as embezzlement, insider trading fraud. So, let’s call a spade a spade.
A liaison of this type is destined to lead to a great deal of headache and heartache in the future.
There is no amount of money that can buy your freedom, happiness, or peace of mind. So, no matter how good it may look at the onset, it’s doomed your Mr. Right changes occupations.
• If He is Abusive
Women, whom fall prey to this type of man, are typically similar to the women who date unavailable men. They suffer from low self-esteem and often a poor self-image. As strange as it may sound, many women believe that when a man abuses her that means he loves her. How sad, but true.
You will never find contentment in the arms of a man who puts his hands on you. Worse, an abusive relationship has the capacity to turn deadly, literally. There are too many people in life who love you and need you; don’t put yourself in harm’s way, especially in the name of love. No man has the right to abuse you verbally or physically. It’s wrong and could never be right!
• If He Suffers From an Active Addiction of Any Kind
There are thousands of good people who are recovering from some sort of addiction. However, those that are in active addition suffer from an illness. They are not well and, therefore, incapable of being in a relationship.
Too often, women believe we can help these men or heal them. In the process of trying to do so, you can actually become co-dependent. Now, that doesn’t mean you will necessarily begin to abuse drugs, but the man that you are with becomes your drug along with all the drama that he has in his life. As a result, you both begin to live in addiction and it is impossible to be productive in a relationship while you are in the throes of addiction.
Please don’t be fooled! If he is not willing to get help for himself, then there is NOTHING you can do. And no matter how noble your intentions may be, he will, ultimately, bring you down and destroy you as long as you let him.
If you are in a relationship such as this, the first thing you need to do is work on YOUR addiction – him. Once you are “clean”, you will be able to clearly see the dysfunction in which you had been living.
As the title states, these are just eight of the telltale signs that your mate may not be Mr. Right. Once you have confirmed that hunch, leave. Move on because he obviously is not the one. It may be hard now, but, believe me, it will be much harder the longer it continues. Do it now, before it’s too late!