Six Phases of a Construction Project:
1) Enthusiasm
2) Disillusionment
3) Panic
4) Search For The Guilty
5) Punishment Of The Innocent
6) Praise & Honors For The Non-Participants
Directory of Construction Terminology:
Contractor – A gambler that never gets to cut, shuffle or deal.
Bid Opening – A poker game where the losing hand wins.
Bid – A wild guess carried out to two decimal places.
Low Bidder – A contractor who is wondering why he's left out.
Engineer's Estimate – The cost of construction in heaven.
Project Manager – The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.
Critical Path Method – A management technique for losing your shirt under personal control.
OSHA – A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, red tape, split hairs, and
baloney – usually applied at random with a shotgun.
Strike – An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.
Delayed Payment – A tourniquet applied at the pockets.
Completion Date – The point where liquidated damages begin.
Liquidated Damages – A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.
Auditor – A person who goes in after the war is lost and bayonets the wounded.
Lawyer – A person who goes in after the auditors and strips the bodies.