Which of these two positions are you currently in:
A) Your girlfriend dumped you and you’ve had no contact with her.
B) She dumped you, but all post-breakup contact has been initiated by you.
Both situations might seem hopeless. Like your ex is over you, and she’s already moved on. In truth however, there’s always a way back into the heart of ANYONE… as long as you know exactly where to look.
In walking the path that leads back into your ex’s arms, you have to tread very carefully. Because in most cases? You really only get one shot.
Knowing which moves to execute first is a vital part of setting any future stage for reconciliation. And it’s not just about acting fast, it’s about acting correctly.
The Actual Reasons Your Ex Hasn’t Talked to You
Women are emotional creatures. When you dated her, your girlfriend felt some very powerful emotional connections to you.
These were built up over time. They started in the beginning, during the honeymoon portion of you relationship when everything was absolutely amazing. They continued on during the courtship, throughout all the things you did and the places you went. The more you shared with her, the closer you became. And the stronger these connections between you grew.
Now, just because she broke up with you? Those connections are still there. It’s not like they can disappear overnight, and your girlfriend isn’t some kind of emotional wizard who can flip those feelings the ‘off’ position like a light switch.
No, to move on, your ex did the only thing she could: she buried those feelings. She buried them fast. She tried to bury them deep, too, but chances are she didn’t do such a good job of it.
And this, my friend is why you have no contact with your ex right now. Your ex girlfriend is afraid of contact. Because in seeing or talking to you? There’s a good chance those feelings will shake themselves loose and float right back to the surface.
Your Girlfriend Wants the Breakup to ‘Stick’
Every breakup has the potential for reconciliation. All it takes is a few lingering doubts, and your ex can just change her mind. Right now though, she’s convinced herself that this isn’t what she wants. No matter how her heart might feel, her brain has snowed her into thinking this is “the best thing for her right now.”
To get back with her, you’ll need to convince both her heart AND her brain. This is where most guys go wrong. They believe that by appealing to her heart; by bringing up past history and by reminding their ex girlfriends about how awesome things ‘used to be’, they think they’re changing their minds.
In reality, their preaching to the one place they don’t need to: the heart. To get her to change her mind, you need to appeal to her MIND. To turn things around, you need to make dating you again seem like the logical choice to her.
And the words “to her” are important. If you want a new and lasting relationship, you can’t beg or plead your way back in. Pity is bullshit. It never works. Your girlfriend already knows that you want her back. But to really make things work? She has to think getting back together was HER idea.
This is where counter-rejection techniques come in. The idea here is to turn your ex’s way of looking at you completely around, to the point where she not only wants you back, but is actually worried that you’ll TAKE her back.
Breaking Contact to Get Her Back
A huge part of the counter-rejection process is the NO CONTACT RULE. All lot of people have heard this term, but few understand how it really works.
In short, it feels counter-productive to ignore the person you love. You’d think that if you want your girlfriend back, you should keep the lines of communication as completely open as possible. All communication would be good communication; texts, emails, Facebook, Instagram… whatever it takes to say in touch.
But the honest truth? The more your ex hears from you, the less she NEEDS to hear from you. In other words, the more you keep contacting the girl who broke up with you (even innocently)? The further you’re actually pushing her away.
Getting Your Ex to Miss You
Ever miss someone? I mean really, really miss them to the point where your stomach feels weird and there’s an ache in the pit of your heart?
Why did you miss them? There’s really only one reason:
It’s because they were gone.
When someone is totally and completely gone, that’s when you’ll miss them the most. I’m talking no texts, no phone calls, no contact whatsoever. When someone you love – or even once loved – disappears off the face of the planet, you’re suddenly thinking about them again. And the more distant they get (or the more they ignore you)? The more you are actually forced to miss them.
This is the basis of no-contact; getting your ex to wonder where you went. Believe me, she’s looking back at you after the breakup to see how you’re doing. She could be talking to friends, checking mutual friends’ Facebook pages, or even sending you a text or two to say “what’s up”. But all that scrutiny isn’t innocent. It’s for a specific purpose.
See, your ex girlfriend WANTS to see you sad. She WANTS to see you miserable and upset. The harder you’re taking the break up? The better she feels. The more you chase her? The bigger you’ve inflated her ego.
Of course, the reverse is also true. And this is the principal by which you’ll use no contact to get your ex interested in you again.