If you’ve found this article, I have to assume that you’ve recently experienced a break up of some kind – whether it is a divorce, separation, or time apart. Obviously, I can’t know your specific situation but I do know some universal tips that work very well to encourage someone to fall back in love with you (while thinking it’s their own idea all along.) Keep in mind that how well these methods and tactics will work will depend greatly upon how convincing you are when you play them and the state of the relationship or your ex at the time you try it. However, I’m willing to almost guarantee you that they will at least help your situation significantly (if not remedy it).
You may think that it’s too late or all hope is lost, but I have learned through my research and from my own experience that as long as one person is willing to put in a bit of work and planning, there’s always hope that love can return. I honestly thought my divorce was imminent until I read about these methods and decided to change course in one last ditch effort to save my marriage. Much to my surprise, it worked and it was the opposite of the things I was already trying that were only pushing my husband further away.
Step One: Don’t Let Your Panic Or Desperation Cause You To Act In A Way That Will Push Your Ex Further Away: It’s an intuitive response that when someone wants to leave us that we want to pull them in closer instead. But, as they are pulling away, we tend to panic. This can lead to desperate actions that are not becoming to or typical of us.
It’s completely understandable that you want to fix this break up, separation or divorce as quickly as you possibly can – thinking that the longer you are apart, the harder it is going to be to get back together.
When our ex rejects this, then it is our inclination to try even harder. Sometimes, this drives us to act irrationally and desperate. You want them to pay attention to you at all cost – even if that attention is negative. So, you show up at our their work or school even if they don’t want you there right then. You text. You leave messages. You give them puppy dog eyes or try to manipulative games. You try to reason with or convince them to change their mind.
I understand why you are doing these things (I did them for a long time too), but here’s what you need to understand. These actions are only bringing on negative feelings that are going to push your ex or current loved one further away. They are going to see you as irrational, unattractive, and undesirable.
More, when you’re sending and communicating these messages meant to do nothing more than change their mind, you’re telling them (although not in the same, exact words) that they’re just plain wrong. In essence, you’re saying that your own needs are greater than theirs or that they aren’t entitled to or correct in wanting a better situation or more happiness.
So, what happens is that your refusal to validate their concerns or feelings puts their defenses on high alert and makes them dig their heals in even more.
Here’s what you should do instead. This will work much better, and will make you both happier and more committed. You don’t really want to “talk your husband into” or “make” your wife or ex girlfriend fall back in love with you when their heart isn’t really in it. You want them to want to come back on their own.
Hearing And Understanding What Your Ex Is Really Saying And Working Together To Fix Problems / Meet Their Needs Is The First Step Towards Nudging Them To Fall Back In Love With You: Hopefully, I’ve been able to convince you that it’s best not to try and strong arm or trick your ex into falling back in love with you.
If you really want their total commitment and their whole heart into it, then you need them to want to come back entirely on their own. And, I hope I’ve also shown that you can’t approach this from the standpoint of convincing, or tricking them into changing their mind or telling them that their wrong.
So, what do can you instead? The right way to making them fall back in love is to approach them from the point of validation. In essence, you need to say something like “I believe that I hear what you are saying. Am I right in thinking that you’d like (fill in the blank) or are frustrated by (fill in the blank)?
Really listen to what they are saying and don’t interrupt or disagree. Their feeling heard is going to do a huge amount to ease the tension and make them feel closer to you. After your ex has been heard, reassure them that you are committed to working with him to see that their needs are met and their wishes are fulfilled. And, if there’s anything you’d like to add or discuss, now would be the time to do it. But, do it from a loving and patient place that will bring them closer to your rather than pushing them further away.
Work On Yourself, Return To The Person Your Ex First Fell In Love With And Then Present This Person To Your Ex: I know that after a painful break up sometimes you just want to pull the covers over your head and sulk, but is this going to get your ex back? No, it’s not. Instead, I want you to make a list of the things that your ex used to love about you. Resist the urge to say looks or chemistry. What I want you to list are the things like sense of humor, an open heart, your ability to really listen, your laid back nature, etc. Then, ask yourself how often your ex has recently seen this side of you. I’d be willing to bet not enough. I know this from personal experience.
Then, I want you to take this opportunity to work on yourself and do all of those things that you’ve been putting off that would make you happy. See friends. Reconnect with hobbies and passions. Put a smile on your face. Why? Because not only are you going to feel better, but you’re going to project the happy, loving, carefree person your ex first fell in love with.
I’ll bet as you’re working on yourself (and having a good time doing it), your ex may just wonder what is up. The silence just might get their curiosity up. They may initiate contact with you at this point, but if they don’t, then you should take the initiative (when you’re ready and have worked on yourself) and slyly bump into your ex, write them a letter, or arrange to return something that you want to give them back. Fair warning though. This must be done with total conviction and must be played almost perfectly so they don’t think you are game playing or are not genuine. If they do, your job will only be harder.
Is It Too Late For Your Ex To Fall Back In Love With You?: People often say to me, “Ok, this method makes sense and I want to do it, but my ex won’t even talk to me or take my calls,” or “he / she says she hates me / never wants to see me again,” or “is dating someone else.” Don’t panic here. If your ex is experiencing strong emotions, this can actually be a good sign. It would be more worrisome if they were totally indifferent and weren’t experiencing no emotions at all. And, dating someone else normally doesn’t stick. Often, it just enforces what they miss about you.
At the end of the day, the best way to make some one “fall back in love” is to control what you can – yourself and your own actions. If you play these cards right, (and take baby steps when you have to) there’s no reason that at all that the feelings of love, affection, and empathy (as well as the spark) can’t return.