How to Stop Being a "Commitaphobe"

For some of us, commitment is a terrifying prospect. Whether it be marriage, moving in together, or simply labelling a relationship. When things get too serious, our fight-or-flight response kicks in and we bolt like the demons of hell are chasing us.

It’s unfair for us and the people we’re dating. So how do we change it?

Take Things Slow

There’s no need to rush these sorts of things. Relationships don’t have time limits. If you take it one day at a time and just enjoy doing things with your partner, there won’t be anything to panic over. Don’t think that after a certain time period, you need to either “move things along” or break it off. It takes a while to know if you’re with the right person and you don’t need to rush into making that decision.

Communicate with your Partner

Communication is everything. If your partner tries to take a step that you’re not ready for, let them know. If they care about you, they’ll be understanding enough to wait until you feel comfortable advancing the relationship. Make sure they know that you are still invested in them, but that you’re just not ready for the next big thing. Take time to think about why exactly you’re nervous about it and discuss it with them. Then, when you’re ready, proceed.

Focus on the Now

The biggest issue for people that struggle with commitment is that they worry too much about the future. What if we don’t know each other well enough to make our relationship official? If we move in together, what will happen in the event of a break up? If we get married, what happens if I fall out of love with you? Thinking about every possible outcome of doing something is, of course, going to make you think that ending things is the best option. Instead, focus on the present. Think about how you feel now. If you love that person, really, truly love them, then make the most of it. Don’t worry about how long it may or may not last. Just enjoy it while it does.

Change Takes Time

If you’re afraid of commitment, it’s likely because the relationships around you haven’t been great examples. You’re terrified of getting stuck with the wrong person. Don’t fret. When you do meet the right person, you will know. And taking these steps will help you to properly commit to them.