You’ve gone and done it, haven’t you? With all the lingering feelings you still have for your ex boyfriend, you made the fateful move of hooking up with him one time. Maybe it’s been more than that but your hope in doing so was to reignite his feelings for you. It seems like a logical step to take when you love a man. Get him to feel closer to you by any means possible, right? Wrong! Hooking up with an ex boyfriend is one of the worst mistakes any woman can make if her goal is to have a committed and loving future with him that includes respect. By opening up that can of worms you may have just ruined your chances of getting your ex boyfriend to see you as potential girlfriend material again.
How Your Ex Boyfriend Views Hooking Up with You
You know how you felt more in love than ever with your ex boyfriend after you two spend intimate time together? He’s likely not feeling that at all. Men aren’t wired to view intimacy in the same way that we do. They don’t see it as a bridge to a deeper and more meaningful connection. It’s not all about promise and lasting devotion to them. For a man, whether he loved you once or not, hooking up is just that. He sees you as someone he can go to when he needs to get his physical desires fulfilled. If you continue to engage in this behavior with him you need to know that he’ll start to view you as someone he can turn to only for intimate encounters.
Why He’ll Likely Break Your Heart Again
If you hook up with your ex boyfriend and you try and play it cool, he’ll assume that you’re okay with that being the focus of your relationship. He won’t understand that your goal is to have a second chance with him. He’ll instead assume that you’re fine with things exactly as they are.
If you spend intimate time with him and then tell him that you still love him and want more, he may pull back to the point that he’ll stop talking with you altogether. The reason that’s likely to happen is that if he sees the relationship you have right now as one that focuses on casual hooking up when it’s convenient for you both, a commitment, or even the suggestion of a commitment, is bound to scare him.
How to Change the Dynamic of Your Relationship Now
It’s understandable why you may view hooking up as a bridge to something more with your ex boyfriend. You likely see the intimacy as the first step back into his heart. It may not be and for that reason you have to ensure the relationship involves more than just that.
Talk to your ex boyfriend about what you’re feeling. You’ll quickly understand how he views what you share with him by his immediate reaction. If you fail to hear from him for days after you explain that you want more than casual intimacy, he’s likely not looking for anything but that. If he starts to work with you towards a much fuller connection, you know that he’s looking for the same thing as you are.
If you have spoken with him and he’s still constantly trying to hook up, it may be time to start suggesting you two hang out somewhere other than the bedroom. Invite him out to dinner or suggest that you two go see a movie. Make it clear that you want more than what you’re currently sharing.
Disconnecting Emotionally From Your Ex Boyfriend
You may have to learn how to disconnect emotionally from him if his only focus is getting together to share intimate moments. This is not going to be easy but it shows your ex boyfriend that you aren’t comfortable being just his sometimes lover, and that you want more.
If you’ve explained to him, in no uncertain terms, that you’re unhappy with the current arrangement you two have and he’s still pushing for more intimacy, stop being available. Don’t agree to see him. Tell him you have other plans and mean it. Go out, meet new people, hang out with friends and start living your life again.
If your ex boyfriend does still have lingering feelings for you he’ll pursue you and he’ll want to spend time with you in an environment and in a way that you’re comfortable with. It may take him some time to come to the realization that he needs you in an emotional way and not just in a physical way. You need to stay strong and determined while this goes on.
It’s very easy to fall back into the trap of hooking up with him because you may feel he’s pulling away if you don’t. Allow that to happen because your strength in doing so will show him that you are emotionally independent and can survive, and even flourish, without a connection with him.
Always remember that you’re worth the value you place on yourself and you should never settle for less that you personally feel you deserve. If you don’t want to be the woman your ex boyfriend views as his “go to hook up” don’t be. Change the relationship by showing him that you’re not going to conform to what he wants. You’re going to stay focused on the relationship that you desire.