The other day, I received an email from a wife who was separated from her husband but who was also determined to get him back. She wrote, in part: "I need your help in getting my husband back because nothing I'm doing is working. if he would just give me the chance, but he will not give me that chance. I'll tell you what I told her in the following article.
If Blatantly Trying To Get Your Husband Back Is Only Pushing Him Further Away, Then Stop Doing What's Not Working: I see this happen all the time. In fact, I made this same mistake myself. Often, the harder we try to hold on and cling to our husbands, the further we push them away. Our over zealousness and desperation reads negatively and only makes up appear more and more unattractive. The more they resist us, the more we push. This is a negative cycle that can quickly deteriorate. The only thing that really works here is to stop this behavior and therefore to stop the cycle. Often, you need to back away to be able to gain back some ground.
Often, wives will resist this with all they have. I often hear comments like: "but if I back off, he's going to forget all about me;" Egypt "if I even slowly begin to let him go, then he's going to be gone for good. I can not afford to back off, even a little." I know that it probably looks this way right now, but I firmly believe that you do not have all that much of a choice. The truth is, things can not get much worse if he's already gone – whether this means literally gone from your home or gone from his heart (at least right now.) And, he often needs some space and distance before he'll start to stop resisting.
Although It May Be Difficult, Giving Your Husband Space Is Often The First Step In Getting Him Back: I know it may seem scary or impossible, but I've seen it happen so often (and have even experienced it myself) so I know that it works. Often you have to step back before you begin to gain any ground. My best advice is to put a smile on your face, tell your husband that you want him to be happy, and explain that you're going to give him some space because you respect his right to have it. Make it very clear that you're not doing this because you do not care. You're actually doing it because you care so much.
I know that this probably looks very scary and risky, but it's really the best way. If you push, or beg, or stalk, or debit, or convince, etc., then you're only trying to make him do something that he does not want to you and you're putting your own wants and needs in front of his. He's not going to take too much to this. He's going to think that you do not respect what he is saying and he's going to suspect that he should stay, he's only going to get more of your not really listening. You will often be pleasantly surprised to see that when you start to release your grip, you'll actually gain ground, not lose it. However, in order for this to happen, you'll often have to play this correctly, which I'll describe below.
Pulling This Off: In order for this to work, you're going to need to be very convincing because no one likes to be played. So, make sure that you appear very genuine when you tell him that you are backing off. And, make sure that you do not go back on what you said. If you promise to let him have space, then you must give it. However, there's nothing that says that you can not make the most of this situation. It's best to let him know that you too will be taking full advantage of your time apart. This does not mean that you should date others or act in a way that's unbecoming of you. Not at all. You are representing yourself as a wife who wants her husband to be happy, so do not act in a way that's going to expose you as something different.
However, this does not mean that you can not do the things that would make this situation bearable. Go out with your friends. Focus on your appearance. Do those things that bring you confidence and a sense of control over what is happening in your life. Do whatever you need to do so that when you do interact with your husband, you can show him a woman who is coping very well and who respects herself enough to live her best life even if he's not watching it at the time.
Because quite frankly, what you're doing has a way of getting back to him. (You have mutual friends, do not you?) And often once he sees that you're no longer in a position of weakness or desperation, you will suddenly appear a lot more attractive. And, when this happens, the balance of power shifts and you are in a much better position when the two of your do interact so that you'll begin to see a lot more cooperation, and interest, from him.