So you are into BDSM or you think that you may be into and have a problem with introducing your desires to your partner. What if BDSM is not acceptable for her or him? What if you turn your partner away? A lot of questions arise and many people stop at that point. I would like to encourage you to go ahead and give it a try, some stats may give you more confidence.
Some interesting stats on BDSM
Unlike you could think bondage and pain are very common in bedrooms all other the world, several researches show that up to 15% of population use BDSM practices on regular basis and almost 50% of people have a positive erotical reaction on pain. So the chances are your partner is craving for spanking and bondage even more than you do, but is hesitating just like you.
But how?
Ok, many people like it, but how do I ask my partner to try BDSM for the first time? The answer is as short as it’s hard. Just talk to your partner. You should be prepared for the discussion. If you don’t usually talk about sex and the things that turn you on, make it your habit.
Make a list of fantasies that you would like to try, keep it simple for the first time, and let your partner choose the things that may turn both of you on. Maybe you will have an additional list of you partner’s fantasies that you also would like to try. Sometimes people we think we know surprise us.
Don’t try it all at once. Yes, that latex whipping scene in metal bondage on a spaceship was very hot, but try to concentrate on one or two things that you desire most. You can try the sex on spaceship later anyway.
Safe words
Safe words are the other topic you should discuss before the BDSM session. Safe words in BDSM practice are used to stop or slow down the action. Sometimes the shouts “stop” and “no” can mean quite the opposite, especially during flogging or roleplaying, so you should choose the words that will not be commonly used during your sessions, something like “Japan” or “plum”.
Bondage
First option is to try some light bondage. Forget about huge metal constructions and St. Andrew’s cross you’ve seen in a movies on those sites. You don’t want you partner to run away in fear, do you? Although handcuffs from an adult online store are a good idea but I personally recommend trying something like a scarf or piece of cotton rope. Do not use pantyhose or silk scarf. They are too thin and can cut the blood circulation, so don’t use them until you got some expertise.
Tie your partner to a bedpost, a chair, a banister if you have one or just tie the hands behind the back. Bear in mind that in case of hands behind you can’t lay the partner on the back, it’s uncomfortable. Tease your partner with pain or pleasure, that’s your choice, surprise is a part of fun, but don’t forget the set limits.
Spanking
Most of pairs practicing BDSM use spanking at least as part of foreplay and it’s accepted as a common practice even by those who are not into BDSM, so why don’t you try it first. Bend you partner other the knees, or tie the partner to the bed to add tension and give a slap. Don’t rush, spank slow and easy at first, pay attention to partner’s reaction. Don’t push your partner too hard, in best case you should slow down before you hear the safe word.
In fact some people can wait and endure the pain just because they want your approval. Don’t abuse these good feelings, you need to find the pain limits of your partner based both on verbal and nonverbal reactions.
Whipping
Whipping is a more complicated matter than spanking as it involves using the tools like floggers, belts, whips and so on. Adult stores nowadays offer a wide variety of devices that can look hot for you, but don’t forget that they can scare off your partner. Try a soft flogger at first.
Choose the flogger with many wide tails, the wider the better. Make sure it’s made of soft leather or suede and try it on your own hand. Remember, this is all to make your partner feel comfortable and get him used to the BDSM techniques. Show the device to your partner before the session, let him or her get used to it.
As with spanking start slow and easy as you are not professional yet, be careful. Try to focus on buttocks as they are less vulnerable to an accidental damage. Be sure to read some additional literature on whipping technique as it is very important for your partners health.
Go on and try!
To sum it all up starting practicing BDSM with your partner is rather simple, so go ahead and try. I’ve prepared a short list to show you how easy every step is.
- Make a list of fantasies that you would like to try with your partner.
- Discuss the list and choose the things that turn both of you on.
- Set the safe words that will stop or slow down the session.
- Choose and buy the equipment that clicks with both of you (if you need it).
- Turn off the phones and try some BDSM action!
- Discuss the session with you partner.
I recommend you write a list of desires right now, open Notepad, MS Word, OpenOffice or whatever you have and do it, don’t waste your time. After that you can read some additional articles right here on EzineArticles. And do talk to you partner this week.