When things aren’t going right in your wife’s life you’re the one she turns to. She’s not looking for comfort or words of encouragement. She’s much more interested in getting her frustrations out by nagging you, screaming at you or initiating an argument. If you’re tired of being used in this way, no one can blame you. You didn’t sign up for this when you agreed to marry her. You’ve likely tried talking to her about this in a rational way but that didn’t work. Maybe you’ve even threatened her with the idea of a separation, or more seriously, a divorce. If you feel that you’re running out of options, and your wife is still continuing this destructive behavior, you need to change the course your marriage is heading down.
You’ve probably heard the old saying about how people take things out on those closest to them. We often use that as an excuse when we take our partner’s feelings for granted. This is exactly what your wife is doing now. If she’s frustrated or disheartened by something that is going on in her life, she turns to you to vent her feelings. Unfortunately, in most cases, you’re not the cause of her negativity yet you are forced to bear the brunt of it. In order to stop her from doing this, you have to guide her towards dealing with those issues in a more productive and less detrimental way.
It’s important that you address this in a moment when she’s feeling calm and centered. If you try and bring it up while she’s in the middle of a rant about something that has gone wrong in her life, it will only add fuel to her emotional fire. She’ll feel even more justified in screaming at you and an all out argument will ensue.
Suggest to your wife that you want to talk about something that you feel is impacting your marriage. If you do this while she’s feeling content, she’ll be more open to working with you towards a solution. You need to begin the conversation on a very positive note. Many men don’t realize that if they approach their wife with a heartfelt compliment that she’ll be that much more receptive to hearing what comes next. You could say something about how much you really adore her or how proud you are of her for something she’s done recently. This will set the tone for the conversation. She’ll instinctively understand that you want to help her and not attack her.
Explain that you’ve noticed that she is under stress recently. If you know the source of the stress, mention it. This helps to show your wife that you’re invested in what’s going on in her life and you’re genuinely concerned. Then tell her that you are worried about how it’s affecting her. Point out if she’s seemed sadder than normal recently or if her temper has a hair trigger. Be compassionate while you talk about this and don’t allow your tone to become accusatory at all.
It’s vital that you tell her that you recognize that life can become overwhelming at times but you’re there to help her in any way that you can. If she’s struggling with all the work she has at the office, suggest the idea of her going in on a Saturday to catch up while you tend to the kids. If she’s a mom who works at home full-time, she may need a mini-vacation to recharge her emotional batteries so arrange a spa day for her and a friend.
If you take an interest in helping your wife to better balance the things that are causing her stressful outbursts, you’ll be doing your marriage a huge favor. You’ll also be demonstrating to your wife that she can always rely on you. You want to be her hero, so show her that you can look past the pettiness of her frustrated moods by helping her find her inner emotional balance again.