Marriage quickly deteriorates into a boring, cold, and lonely existence for one or both mates when the couple loses emotional intimacy in the marriage. Emotional connectedness of couples has diminished so greatly today, husbands and/or wives become unhappy in the marriage. Then, the marriage can grow silent, angry, or resentful. This is where extramarital affairs can begin or when divorces occur. When emotional connectedness, also known as emotional intimacy, deteriorates the consequences are detrimental on the marriage.
Generally, couples lacking healthy emotional intimacy do not understand the problem, but they do realize something is wrong in their marriage. Incidentally, their love seems to be breaking down. In addition, it is apparent the marriage has lost its spark and desires. Often times, it is one spouse that is lacking emotional intimacy while the other spouse is happy with their marital relationship and communication the way it is.
The perfectly content spouse does not feel there is anything wrong in the marriage while their mate suffers silently. Then, if the marriage blows up, the content spouse does not have a clue what went wrong. Sadly, the emotionally neglected spouse continually hurts because their emotional intimacy needs are not being met by their mate. This is hard to explain to a mate that does not require the same degree of emotional intimacy or does not recognize their marriage is troubled.
It seems, husbands and wives have become detached emotionally as “one” unit because of the abundant amount responsibilities, financial obligations, or fulfilling their own agendas. From this breakdown in emotional intimacy, desires eventually fade, love dies, and dead, boring, loveless marriage evolve. It is when emotional intimacy is absent that resentments develop, anger progresses, and loneliness sets in. Depression and low self-esteem are also very common in an unhappy marriage.
Over time, emotional intimacy plummets when each spouse’s responsibilities take precedence over their mate’s needs and their marital bliss. Couples are no longer on the same page working to keep their intimacy exciting. Instead they are moving in opposite directions and doing their own thing. Legitimate or not, unfortunately, this moving in opposite directions creates barriers between the couple. Sadly, then the couple grows apart.
Even though husbands and wives are living under the same roof, sleeping in the same bed, and carrying out their marriage commitment, boredom and loss of desire usually takes over their entire feelings of attraction for each other. Needlessly, the neglected emotional intimacy in the marriage has damaged the couple’s ability to maintain intimacy at all levels. At this point, it seems, all the marriage is doing is existing on a daily basis. Unfortunately, when emotional intimacy is neglected or cannot be recognized as troubled, the couple grows dissatisfied and miserable in the marriage. Often times this happen to the relationship before the couple realizes what is going on. Regardless, one or both of the spouses may start looking for alternatives to bring happiness to their life.
Maybe you have heard a close friend or family member confess…I feel all alone in my marriage. What this person is saying is I am hurting, I feel lonely, I feel depressed, I feel angry, I feel resentment toward my spouse. This is only a small list of feelings that may occur if emotionally intimacy is lacking in a marriage.
One example of damaged emotional intimacy is a spouse who is, or seems, emotionally absent. For instance, when you speak to your spouse and they do not hear you, much less, respond, a mate will feel neglected and insignificant. A spouse repeatedly being self-absorbed in personal responsibilities, interests, and hobbies may creates deaf ears and demonstrates lack of interest. Even though the self-absorbed spouse is not intentionally trying to hurt their mate, damage is being done. From the repeated damage, the communicating spouse is left feeling unheard and feeling unimportant. Generally, an emotionally neglected spouse will grow into a silent, hurting mate. Then, the barriers between the couple will grow greater and chances are the hurting mate will withdraw. Then, day by day the couple will grow further apart.
Another example quit shocking and seemingly trivial that falls into “suffering emotional intimacy” is neglecting to carry the trash out for your mate. You may wonder how trash detail is neglecting emotional intimacy, but it is especially if the task is a high priority to your mate. Regardless, how ridiculous or petty you may view this task, it can weight heavy upon your spouse emotions. They may interrupt you as lacking involvement, uninterested, not sharing responsibilities, or uncaring. If this task is highly important to your mate and you do not help with the chore, anger and resentment can manifest. Then, each time you neglect trash detail, this anger and resentment quickly resurfaces. From the repressed anger and resentments emotional disconnectedness may occur and cause severe damage over time.
Once a couple becomes emotionally disconnected, their sex life will quickly feel the ill affects too. It is virtually impossible to come together sexually when there is diminished emotional intimacy in the marriage. Couples grow into sexless marriages, or virtually sexless marriages from damaged emotional intimacy. It is nearly impossible to keep sexual desires and excitement alive when emotionally intimacy is not met first. You have to get the emotional intimacy side correctly balanced to reap the sexual intimacy side of the equation in a marriage.
9 Signs Emotional Intimacy is suffering in a marriage:
1. Couples have stopped talking and sharing their daily events and happenings. Communication has decreased and silence has developed.
2. Couples have stopped touching and feeling each other with genuine desire. Little to no intimate interaction is happening between the couple to keep passion alive.
3. Husbands and wives have stopped kissing with intensity. Giving spouse’s quick pecks has taken over kissing with passion, love and feelings.
4. Couples desire and fire for each other has deteriorated. Instead couples grow into disconnected, loveless marriage from dead sexual interest.
5. Spouses are not listening to their mate. When a spouse is not listening, sighs of frustration, depression and body language will certainly become present from the lacking spouse. These few signs are evidence of unhappiness and emotionally hurting.
6. Husbands and wives feel their own responsibilities are greater then their mates responsibilities. As a result, one spouse is left feeling unappreciated.
7. Husband and wives are meeting independently to attend the same functions instead of taking an extra few minutes to meet in their driveway and ride together as a couple.
8. Husbands and wives are not having a set down dinner together as a family unit. Instead couples are grabbing dinner on the run or eating in front of the television where staying connected is impossible.
9. Husbands and wives are emotionally damaging their marital relationship by cussing and calling their mate vulgar names. As a result, husbands and/or wives are experiencing anger, unhappiness, low self-esteem, or depression from this form of damaging behaviors.
These are just a few examples of emotional intimacy breakdown in a marriage, but the list goes on and on. It is the stressors of money, bills, working, and child rearing that quickly deteriorates the connectedness between a man and wife. When emotional intimacy diminishes, marriages become cold, distant, and sexual desire decrease.
Without a healthy bond of emotional intimacy among husbands and wives, the marriage may grow into a constant state of misery and unhappiness. Until spouses understand how important it is to stay emotionally connected, and then work to pamper each others emotions, unhappiness will remain, divorces will occur, extramarital affair will continue, and loveless, dead marriages will exist.
When emotional intimacy is suffering in a marriage, sexual desires will fade and spontaneity will certainly die. Then, a couple’s sexual encounters will become distant, cold, and carried out in a hurry up fashion. Sexual intercourse carried out in such a fashion is not making love with passion for your mate. This is simply carrying sex out as a chore instead exchanging love and desire for each other.
Arousing passion and sexual desire will die for each other when you do not put extra work into keeping your emotional intimacy alive and well. Sexual Intimacy feeds off the Emotional Intimacy in the relationship. Today, if you start correcting the emotional intimacy side of your relationship, your entire marital relationship will improve. Then, your sexual relationship will certainly come alive as well.
You have the ability to rediscover the desire and passion for each other that was once burning if you take the first step to make a difference. However, you can not work on the emotional intimacy for a day and expect lasting change, you must work each and everyday from this day forward. You must feed your relationship every day so it does not starve.
Why remain in a loveless or sexless marriage, when a few changes, can save your marriage and renew desire for each other. Then you can live your life out together in happiness and sexual satisfaction.