Lately things just aren’t the same with your partner. Something seems off, and you can’t help but wonder if there’s somebody else. Suspecting your partner of cheating can be tricky. The possibility terrifies you, but you’re also afraid of being wrong and looking like a fool who has trust issues. In a situation like this, it is wise to tread carefully.
Make sure that there are legitimate reasons for suspecting your partner, and that it’s not just your insecurity that is skewing your point of view. If you do have an overwhelming feeling that there may be infidelity in your relationship then read on for common signs of cheating, and compare them with your man or lady’s behavior.
1. Change In long held beliefs: You observe a shift in your partner’s attitude about relationships or love. It may be that your man used to condemn husbands who cheat on their wives and had strong opinions about infidelity. Suddenly, they seem more lenient with their thinking.
Maybe you’re watching TV together one night and there’s news of a celebrity couple breaking up because the man cheated. You are appalled, but he might shrug and say something like “Well, if she stopped having sex with him what do you expect?”
Pay attention to changes in long held beliefs that your partner had, he or she may be altering their view to accommodate their new thinking or behavior.
2. Trading in khakis for miniskirts: If you have known your partner for a while, then you might start noticing sudden changes in the way they dress or want to look. If your lady has always been very taken with her appearance, and she buys new clothes or changes her hair, it may not be a cause for alarm. However, if she used to dress like a frumpy grandmother to work and she’s suddenly wearing miniskirts and high heels, then you may have a problem.
3. Newfound body image issues: A sudden and unjustified change in body image is another major infidelity sign. If your partner has taken the decision to be thinner or more muscular for health reasons or has always been fit there’s probably no reason to doubt anything.
However, if your couch potato husband is not really concerned with his health, but suddenly starts spending hours in the gym because he is now obsessed with getting rid of his belly fat, then take a closer look. Also, if he refuses that you accompany him to the gym, or is presenting otherwise sketchy behavior regarding his body, he may be straying.
4. I want to be alone: Your partner suddenly wants to spend a lot of time on their own. The need for space is a major sign that something is going on especially if this request comes out of nowhere and with no valid explanation.
If you two had a fight and he or she is still resentful, then the need for space can be somewhat understood. However, if your relationship is stable and things are going great, and your partner suddenly wants to be alone, there might be someone else filling that void.
5. Picking fights: The man or woman in your life might also not only demand more space but do everything possible to create more of it. He or she might pick fights for no reason, and may make an issue of every little thing to create an illusion that you’re not getting along.
They do this to legitimize their wrongdoings and to feel less guilty. The way they figure is this; since you’re both always fighting, you are the unreasonable one and you are pushing them into another person’s arms.
6. Storming out of the house: On a related note, if your man or woman storms out after a “fight” because they just can’t take it anymore and say that they need some time to think, they may be using it as an opportunity to meet up with the other person. This technique has two major benefits.
First, it gives him or her more time on their own to cheat. Second, they can use the fights as a lever to gain the sympathy of the other person who they are cheating with. They want the other man or woman to stay in the deceitful relationship.
So they complain about their partner to demonstrate that they are being driven to cheat and so it isn’t their fault. So if every time you fight with your partner, he or she storms out there may be a good reason why.
7. Reverse psychology: When someone is cheating, he or she becomes a master manipulator. If you start noticing that your once earnest and direct partner is using reverse psychology and other weird techniques that they didn’t use before, then know that something is up. If he or she always makes it seem that you’re the one in the wrong no matter what happens. He or she may have something to hide.
8. On the defensive: If your man or lady has suddenly become overly defensive and can’t take any type of criticism, then you need to take a good look at what’s going on. If you ask him about a lady co-worker and he starts a fight, or he becomes furious after you ask him why he didn’t call if he was going to be late for dinner, there’s something there.
Ask your partner about it, maybe there’s a good reason for this newly found oversensitivity and short temper. A stressful work week or family problems may be to blame for this change in behavior.
9. Lying through their teeth: Cheating always involves lying. If you keep catching your partner in little lies, then something is up. If he said he was working late the night before at the office, then says that he was out with his boss having drinks another time, beware he may be cheating. If the little things he or she says just don’t add up, then ask them about it. If they avoid confronting the issue, you can be sure that there’s something going on that shouldn’t be.
10. Going the distance: If your partner is cheating, then he or she may deal by becoming more distant. He will avoid talking about serious subjects and only engage in small talk. He may avoid getting into conversations about your finances, work, and children if you have them or any future plans. He or she will always seem to have something on their mind and you can’t seem to connect with them on a deeper level like you used to.
11. Emotional detachment: Your partner might also disengage emotionally from your relationship. Your man used to be extremely affectionate and loving, but now you can’t get an “I love you” out of him. There might be something wrong. You’ll want to ask him why he has become emotionally detached.
He might be upset with you over something you did and is acting out, so talking about it is very important. If he just shrugs or refuses to even acknowledge his behavior or even blames you for being paranoid, something deeper might be festering under his aloof exterior and you need to be careful.
12. Loves being out alone, hates staying in with you: Does your partner seem upbeat when he or she gets home or when they are getting ready to go out, but seems gloomy while he or she is spending time with you? If you don’t have any problems in your relationship that may be causing this change in behavior, then it might be that your partner is excited about something going on outside the home, something like a juicy affair.
13. Affection overload: Some other cheaters act in an entirely different manner due to overwhelming feelings of guilt. They will shower their partners with affection, gifts and caring words. They might be even more romantic than usual and more attentive.
If this shift is sudden and you cannot find a logical or even an illogical explanation for it, then ask your partner what brought this on, they may be able to reassure you and give you a valid explanation. If you still can’t understand this behavior, it might be that your partner is cheating and using this as a decoy so you won’t suspect anything.
14. Chatter away: On a related note, if your usually silent partner suddenly becomes a chatterbox, then beware. Sometimes people who lie tend to over talk or give more information than was asked for to cover up other things. Observe this new behavior for a while, and bring it up to them if it bothers you.
15. Working a lot of overtime: One of the most obvious cheating signs is your partner keeps working overtime when this was never the case before. He or she suddenly becomes the most valuable and hardest working employee in their company.
This doesn’t always mean that your partner is cheating on you; there might be a special project that needs to be done before a certain deadline or it’s the end of the year and there’s a lot of work that needs to be done. However, if your partner seems to be the only one working overtime, and other employees don’t seem to know anything about it, then there might be something fishy going on.
16. Do not enter-work zone: If your partner used to involve you in his or her work life. Telling you all about work, inviting you to company events like picnics, having you over to meet them for lunch but suddenly starts cutting you off, something might not be right.
Maybe he or she doesn’t want you around their workplace because there’s someone they don’t want you to know about or there is something that they are hiding like all those extra projects they were working on late were fictional. If you do see any of your partner’s co-workers, they may act very uncomfortable in your presence. If there is no valid explanation for this, something might be going on behind your back.
17. Buddies no more: Similarly, if your man used to invite his buddies over for Sunday night football or Thursday night Basketball every week, and suddenly stops having them over, it may be because he is afraid that they will spill his secret or not corroborate his stories.
If he starts meeting with them outside more and more, he may also be using them as his alibi for getting out of the house. He may be keeping you apart from them because he’s afraid that they might accidently or intentionally divulge his secret.
18. Awkward friend situation: Also it may be that your man or lady’s friends keep avoiding you even though you all used to be very close. Your girlfriend or wife’s friends might do everything in their power to not see you because they can’t face you if they know of their friend’s cheating.
They might also be afraid of saying anything that would compromise your relationship and most people do not want to be a part of that. So they might avoid you all together so as not to find themselves in an awkward situation.
19. Bye Bye old interests: If your partner suddenly loses interest in activities which he used to love, then there might be something weird going on. If your man, out of the blue, starts to hate playing sports when he used to live and breathe soccer, or he stops spending his free time gardening on the weekends, then there might someone else in his life that is bringing on those changes.
20. Marriage blues: If you are married, and you notice that your husband or wife starts acting hostile or bored towards you, your children or your home life in general, there might be something fishy going on. He or she might start making references to how they misses being single or how hard it is to be married.
He or she might get rid of your children’s toys in the car or anything that demonstrates that they have a family. They may be cheating with someone and are lying to them about being married with children, and so they suddenly start rejecting their marital status.
21. Beware of the Lazy pants: If your spouse used to be active around the house doing laundry, feeding the kids, mowing the lawn, and suddenly starts becoming lazy and uncooperative, he or she may be feeling negatively towards the very notion of being married and sharing your home.
They don’t even want to try anymore, and this includes doing chores, planning family outings and vacations. They might not even want to attend important events such as holidays, anniversaries or birthday parties. This is especially suspicious if they never really had any issue with doing these things before.
22. Strange outings: Another sign that your partner may be straying is that he or she begins to go out to new places at strange times, and never has a convincing answer as to why this is. He used to hate food shopping, suddenly he insists on doing the weekly grocery shopping, and doesn’t want you to come along.
She used to deeply despise anything arty, and out of the blue, one Saturday has an outing to go to an art museum with friends. You know your partner inside and out, so if you notice changes in their favorite activities with no valid explanation, something is up.
23. Sneaking out like a teenager: If your partner is sneaking out, then he or she may have something to hide. The reason they may be going out behind your back is usually to avoid scrutinizing questions and wants to avoid lying to you. If he or she has nothing to hide then letting you know that they are on their way out shouldn’t be such a secretive matter, so beware of increased sneakiness and secrecy.
24. Is your partner an undercover agent?: You may find out that your partner has a new means of communication that you don’t know about. This includes a new e-mail address, a Facebook account under a pseudonym or nickname, a new cell phone and phone number. All of these are big red flags that you should immediately take notice of.
25. Financial infidelity: Another major sign of cheating is the odd use of money and/or credit cards. If you are used to sharing financial data between you and your partner, and he or she suddenly starts hiding credit card statements or disabling your access to an online checking account to hide cash withdrawals or other new spending habits, something weird is going on.
26. Is this my partner talking?: If your partner is having an affair, then he or she might start using different language than he used to. This includes telling more or less jokes, or using certain catch phrases. He or she may even adopt a certain way of talking or an accent that is inspired by someone else.
We tend to emulate people that we like and hang around with often. So if this is happening in your relationship, pay attention and ask your partner about it.
27. Your partner becomes jumpy and frazzled: Your man or lady might easily get disturbed or confused by mundane things. If you do something nice for him or her, they act strange. This is because they want to vilify you to justify their wrongdoing, and your nice behavior catches them off guard.
They might act disoriented and jumpy for no apparent reason. This can be a cheating sign because your partner is trying to sort out his or her feelings about your relationship but also the affair, and is likely to present erratic and unstable behavior as a result.
28. Country music anyone?: If your partner suddenly starts developing new taste in music or in food, then you might want to question him or her about it. It may be that they are dating someone who is fond of a certain cuisine or music, and they are beginning to take a liking to it. Developing new tastes out of the blue can be a revealing sign that your partner has found someone new to be devoted to.
29. What’s up with the Brazilian?: Another infidelity sign is a sudden change in personal hygiene and body grooming habits. If your man used to shower every morning and is suddenly taking several showers a day for no apparent reason, there might be something going on.
If your lady didn’t used to pay attention to her private parts being groomed, and begins getting Brazilian bikini waxes, she might be trying to impress someone else. He or she may also buy new underwear and use it, or may start putting on a lot of perfume or after shave. Pay attention to these little details if you suspect your partner of cheating.
30. Condoms away!: Another sign that there might be a sexual affair going is the increased use of contraceptive methods. Is she on the pill when you have gotten a vasectomy? Is he carrying out condoms when you are on the pill and haven’t used condoms since high school? If there is no valid explanation for this behavior, then this is a big red flag that your partner may be cheating.
31. Blue pill wonders: Another sign of cheating is that your partner is suddenly interested in purchasing medication for sexual performance. He may get erectile dysfunction medication such as Viagra. She might order breast enlargement herbal supplements or lubricant for herself. This is especially suspicious if it is done secretively through online ordering or he or she hides the objects once they arrive or takes them in secret.
32. The answer lies in clothes: There may be unexplained stains, smells or rips on your partner’s clothing. This may include the clichéd lipstick smudge on your man’s shirt, but also other types of stains and smells that just aren’t typical of your partner’s clothes. This can also lead to suddenly excessive laundry washing at weird hours of the day or night, unexplained purchasing of new clothes, or finding clothes in the trash can that your partner may have thrown away to hide evidence.
33. Knock knock, is anyone in there?: Your partner may be caught daydreaming or checked out at many times during the day, and doesn’t tell you what they’re thinking about and is unwilling to interact. He or she seems to be in another world, but denies it and can’t seem to be bothered to engage in activities with you. Your partner may just be absorbed by work or something else might be bothering them.
34. Are you more likely to reach President Obama on the phone than your partner?: Your partner suddenly becomes impossible to reach. When you call the office, they are always at a meeting or on another call with an important client. Their cell phone is turned off on more than one occasion, and the cell phone reception in their building is suddenly the “worst.” Your partner may not call you back right away, or claims to not have received your calls or listened to your messages.
Their assistant or receptionist is all of the sudden the most incompetent person on earth. In short, the fact that they have become inaccessible is everyone else’s fault but their own. All the flimsy excuses in the world cannot hide the fact that there is something sketchy going on in your partner’s life.
35. No, it’s mine!: With the advent of new technologies, there is a multitude of ways one can keep in touch with someone else. If you and your partner used to share phones and laptops, and keep them on in each other’s presence and this suddenly changes, there is a reason for that. You used to look at your man’s cell phone, read his text messages and he never even flinched.
All of the sudden, his phone has become so precious to him that he eve takes it into the bathroom. If you take a look at it, he accuses you of snooping. His laptop, which used to be your computer as well, suddenly has password protection. All of these are telltale signs that he might have something to hide.
36. Delete all: If he still allows you to touch or use his or her phone, or laptop, you find that he or she always makes sure that browser history and cookies are deleted, that their contact list is cleaned up, and incoming e-mails erased.
Maybe they’re just embarrassed of some pages they visited, but more likely, he or she may be hiding their online contact with a lover. Similarly, if his or her phone’s message list or call log is always empty, they just might be hiding something or someone from you. Look into this.
37. He or she becomes a night owl: Your partner might spend a lot of time on their computers especially late at night and after you go to bed. Sure, your man might be a porn addict, but he may also be contacting another woman.
On a related note, your partner might start talking more and more on their cell phones, and racking up huge bills. To sum it up, if there is a sudden, unexplained change in telephone or computer usage with your partner, there may be something strange going on.
38. Your opinion and advice don’t matter anymore: Another sign that your partner might be infidel is he or she stops seeking out your advice or your opinion about major decisions in their lives. They might make irresponsible big purchases or act impulsively without talking with you first. Maybe he went and spent all of his savings on a boat that you never knew about.
Maybe she decided to put up your house on the market without consulting you first. They may have quit their jobs and not even told you about it. This type of rash behavior is typical of a cheater who just doesn’t care about planning your future together anymore and doesn’t even care to ask what you think beforehand.
39. Your partner becomes a world champion nagger: A cheating partner may begin to constantly complain about you or your relationship and how unhappy he or she is. They may be overly critical of you, and suggest that things aren’t working out. He or she may pick more fights to prove this point and makes no effort to make things work. At this point, your partner may be having an affair but also thinking of ending your relationship.
Now, if you do have genuine problems between you that you are working on, then there is probably nothing to worry about. However, if everything is going fine in your relationship and you do get along; your partner may be fabricating a broken relationship to justify not only his or her cheating, but also their leaving.
40. Sex? No thanks: If your partner is cheating on you, he may suddenly lose interest in having sex with you. Even if he or she does, they’ll just go through the motions, with no shared feelings or emotions. If it’s there any sex at all, it becomes just physical. If your partner has always been a passionate lover and suddenly becomes detached or cold in lovemaking for no good reason, there may be somebody else.
41. Who are you and what have you done with my wife?: If on the other hand, your man or lady usually is usually more reserved and subdued in bed, and suddenly becomes an extremely attentive and passionate lover with exaggerated displays of affection, they may be overcompensating to deal with their feelings of guilt.
They may suggest you try new things in bed and become more adventurous. Ask them where they got this newfound fervor, and if there’s a valid explanation, then just enjoy. Otherwise stay alert. This change in sexual behavior might be a result of infidelity.
42. Extreme changes in feelings and behavior: Your partner may at times be very sexually engaged and at other times be completely withdrawn. Sometimes they shower you with affection, and other times they hardy want to talk to you and seem to avoid you.
Although, there may be good explanations for this type of unpredictable and erratic behavior, it is something to watch out for, especially if your partner used to be fairly consistent. It may be that they are cheating and are confused about their affair, thus taking out their mixed feelings on you.
43. He or she has become a complete downer: Has your partner been generally unsatisfied with their life lately even though they used to be happy? Is he or she much more negative than they used to be? This may be due to an exciting affair that they are having which has demonstrated to them how mundane their current life is. Have they become confused about their own sense of self? Maybe there is someone new in your partner’s life who is calling into question their identity and who they are.
44. Bungee jumping, here I come: On a related note, is your partner suddenly a thrill seeker when you could never even get them to go on a child’s water slide ride at your local amusement park? Does he suddenly want to get a motorcycle or a tattoo and signs up for mountain climbing classes? Of course, this might just be a mid-life crisis talking.
However, there’s always the possibility that there is someone else, perhaps somebody younger in your partner’s life that is instigating this transformation and inspiring this new attitude.
45. Low self-esteem: Another sign that your partner may be cheating is that he or she has increasingly low self esteem. This means that your partner is vulnerable and can fall prey to cheating because he or she cannot make themselves feel secure and worthy. If they believe that you are not providing them with enough approval or love and just aren’t getting satisfaction from their job, they might go to someone else from whom they can obtain the desired feelings of security and self worth.
Of course this doesn’t mean that if your partner cheats, this is your fault; your partner should have come to you first to resolve his or her issues, and low self esteem is no excuse for bad behavior.
46. Gonorrhea, herpes anyone?: A concrete sign that your partner may be straying is you have proof that they have contracted a sexually transmitted disease (STD) and it wasn’t from you. Maybe you got a call from your husband’s physician, or intercepted an email, or found lab results by mistake. You may even have seen the actual STD on your partner’s body.
If this is the case and he or she has only gotten the disease recently, then your partner is not only straying but might even have contaminated you. So get yourself checked. If you have also gotten the STD and you have not engaged in sexual relations with a new partner, then this only serves to confirm your suspicions that your partner has been cheating on you.
47. The “friend” you never got to meet: A tangible sign of cheating is that someone new suddenly starts taking up your partner’s time and attention. Whether it’s a co-worker, a gym partner, or a friend from way back, this person seems to come out of the blue and he or she starts coming up in conversations and in future plans all the time.
Your partner brings up this mysterious friend in random conversation and they always seem to be at the right place at the right time and at social gatherings you weren’t attending. Although it is healthy to seek out new friendships, it is a big red flag if your partner refuses to introduce you to this new friend and wants to keep him or her under wraps.
48. I’m a cheater? No you’re the cheater, you cheater: A telltale sign that your partner might be cheating is that they turn around and accuse you of straying when you have given them no reason to doubt you. Of course, there’s always the possibility that they’re just jealous or are feeling insecure in the relationship. However, if you have reassured them of your unconditional love and have done more than enough to placate their anxiety, and they’re still accusing you left and right, something is definitely wrong.
The reason they may be doing this if they’re cheating is to deflect attention from their own behavior. They may also genuinely believe that you’re cheating because they become paranoid and start imagining their own deceptive tactics everywhere. Don’t fall into this trap, and don’t start accusing them of cheating either, look out for other signs to be sure.
49. Follow your gut: The biggest sign that your partner may be cheating is that there is something deep inside of you that is making you doubt him or her in the first place. Think about it; you know your partner better than anyone. Their habits, actions and behaviors are hardwired into your brain, and so if you feel it in your gut that there’s something wrong, then follow your instincts. It might turn out to be true.