"Stuck in the Elevator" Theory

Do you remember TV shows or movies from the "yesteryear" when two people got stuck in an elevator together pre-cellphone? After an awkward or even nerve wracking first few minutes, they settle down and give each other that uncomfortable smile. Eventually, one of them decides to break the silence by starting a neutral conversation about the weather or the economy.

As they remain stuck for more than a few minutes, one says, "I hope we are not stuck in the elevator too long because my family will start to worry about me."

"Oh, that's nice to have a family who cares about you? I am not sure mine would not miss me if I was gone very long," he said with a smile.

"Well, I am sorry to hear that. My family is expecting me for dinner and they will get concerned if they do not hear from me soon."

"How many kids do you have?"


"Oh, that's nice. Tell me about your family."

Before you know it, and because there was no choice or interruption, they had a meaningful conversation about things that mattered. Imagine that!

As the time passes, each learns more and more about the other. A spark of interest grows in both people. With no place to go, they both listen intently to what the other person has to say. After awhile, they may even start to think it is an interesting and special person they are sharing this frightening event with. Perhaps one even wonders if they were supposed to meet in this way, to bring them together for reasons they are not yet aware of.

Two different worlds came together to have one experience, so rare in this world as we speed along on the Internet Freeway. We are traveling so fast and trying so hard to keep our mind and intellect stimulated or to meet the next person, we discount the very person who is before us at the moment. People looking to the computer for their main source of meeting someone have lost that tactile approach to slowly getting to know someone.

For the last five thousand years, people came together over time. They got to know and admire each other slowly and naturally. Feelings take time to grow. Thoughts about someone change, but feelings about someone such as a first love, rarely change or leave you in an entire lifetime.

I am not suggesting that you should hope to get stuck in an elevator as a good way to meet someone or that you were meant to be with someone because you got stuck in an elevator with them. There are many stories over the years about people who made a romantic connection after living through a difficult situation together. Perhaps because of that special, quality time they spend together, they connected on such a level that even if they were not meant to be romantic partners, they stayed friends for life.

My wife and I were not guaranteed anything when we first met. She did not tell me, "call me when you have your life together." We built our lives together. I suggest people look to do the same if you want to build a firm foundation for love. Focus on each and every person who is presented to you. Even if they are not the "one" for you, let them know how much you value their friendship.

Who does not want to hear they are valued? Not only will it warm their heart to hear something like that, it will warm your heart even more to say it. When this person recalls your personable and warm side to friends, they may think of you when they meet another interesting single person who might be just perfect for you.

Want to Meet Someone Special?

I think all the online dating services are a wonderful way to meet someone. It is rarely the services themselves that result in problems. It is the approach some of the off-balance participants that create difficulties.

I believe that many of the people who have gone off the deep end with the dating services are the ones that have become "addicted" to them. By addicted I mean, they have become dependent upon their smart phone to create social situations for themselves. They do not do it once a week or once a day. They scan the several dating services they belong to for pictures of total strangers they know nothing about on a minute to minute basis, hoping that the next sexually alluring, or financially successful looking person they come across … will be "the one."

That brings up my "Pie Theory." To briefly summarize it, we as humans only have so much energy or soul to offer people when we first meet them. If we had our hearts broken when we were younger, the piece of our pie we offer future mates goes down drastically. If we date several times a week, hoping that the love of our life is just around the corner, we get rejected and disappointed on a regular basis.

When we find out the one we are with this very moment is rarely "the one," we constantly distrust who we are with and look over our shoulder for the next one. Frustration levels increase as it appears that this great system for meeting someone may not save us from our loneliness. They soon some to terms with they feeling that, at well thought out impersonal and wholesale system of meeting does work and will never work.

That is not to say that two people can not meet, make made passionate love and decide because of that great sex, or upon discovering that the person interested in them is wealthy, that they can not get married. Of course they can. The catch is, being married does not mean you are happy or will ever be happy.

The way it has worked for 5000 years and continues to work for fewer and fewer people is, to meet someone and get to know them on a more cautious, slower pace. (More about that in other articles.)

I suggest a good way to meet someone is to spend quality time with them and observe them over a period of time. As a relationship coach and presenter, my goal is to create stimulating opportunities for interesting men and women to come together for more than just a few moments, an hour or even a couple of hours. I am planning "heart-opening" three-day weekend gatherings where relationship minded people can come together and get to know each other over a more intimate, longer period of time.

My advice is to slow down and re-group. Do not speed up as so many are doing. Slow down!
You would like the if to learn more about the quality of value of spending time with new people, contact me at: Luvthecoach@gmail.com . Sign-up for our newsletter and share how you met a loved one and your story may be featured in our newsletter and blog.