The Narcissist is Pea Green With Envy

Most of us can admit to having certain emotions: sadness, love, fear, surprise, anger, joy. We may not express these feelings openly but we are able to acknowledge them in ourselves and reveal them to those close to us.

One emotion that remains difficult for most of us to admit, even to ourselves, is envy. Envy is an intense resentment of an advantage (lifestyle, physical appearance, social status, wealth, creative gift, etc.) that is enjoyed by another person. This is combined with a strong desire to possess what that person has. We keep envy in the back room. Most of us do not share our envies, even with family or friends. We are embarrassed when we envy someone. We often keep it a secret from ourselves.

“There is no one more envious than a narcissist. They covet the beauty, youth…and worldly power of competitors. They plot to get…(what) belongs to someone else. Their envy is venomous.” Narcissistic envy eats into him/her. He is determined to get back, surpass and defeat those who have what he wants and feels that he deserves. The roots of narcissistic envy go back to serious inadequacies in the mother/child relationship. As a result of this dysfunctional relationship, the young child experiences a strong aggression that takes the form of envy. The child learns that he cannot depend on anyone despite his facade of superiority, perfection, grandiosity, and self entitlement. The narcissist makes up for his inability to have a genuine relationship by desiring what others have. He devalues other human beings, especially those he views as having more social and financial advantages, or prestige than he has.

The narcissist is relentless. He breaks all the rules to get what he wants. He will ruin professional reputations, disrupt marriages, psychologically and financially sabotage business partners—do whatever it takes to surpass someone else. A common pattern with the narcissist is to pursue a woman or man, marry them and discard them after he finds that they are tarnished and imperfect. The narcissist moves on to a more attractive, adoring partner. This cycle of pursuit, satiation and discarding is endless. Beneath all the bravado—the elaborate mask of superiority, grand delusions, and haughty disdain of others, lies an insatiable hunger for what others have. This burning in the gut cannot be soothed.