Men can be infuriating. Sometimes they seem as mysterious as women supposedly are; they don’t talk about how they are feeling, they won’t ask for help, and it can be like pulling teeth getting them verbalize that they love you.
There are a few simple things you need to understand about men that will help you to get inside your guy’s head and understand what he’s thinking. A basic understanding of male psychology and relationship psychology can help you understand your man better. Keep in mind that the following tips are generalizations and don’t apply perfectly to every man, just as generalizations about women being more emotional don’t necessarily apply to every gal out there. So, use your intuition about your guy along with these tips to really figure him out.
1. Men are logical creatures. This is wonderful in some cases but can sometimes cause trouble in relationships. For example, when his girlfriend or wife is upset, he may try to help by offering practical solutions. What she wants is often emotional support, not cold reasoning. To a woman this may feel like he is uncaring and just trying to stop her complaining by giving solutions (that she has likely already considered and rejected). To make this trait work to your advantage, appeal to his problem solving side rather than his sympathetic side.
2. Men tend to show affection through physical actions as opposed to women’s tendency to be more verbal. This is why it seems that women are often trying to get their man to say “I love you,” particularly in newly serious relationships. A guy would rather just show you that he loves you by his actions. This is one reason body language is so important. By “listening” to his actions you can figure out a lot of the emotion that is going on inside. If he touches your back as he walks by he’s saying “I care for you.”
3. The flip side of reading body language is being able to tell when a guy needs some alone time, or time to chill with his guy friends. It simply isn’t true that one person can provide everything – all of another person’s needs. So, don’t feel threatened or rejected if he wants to spend some time with his pals. He may want time alone to recharge, just like we all need now and then.
Reading body language and reading between the lines when he talks to you is key. If he comes home after a long day you may ask him how his day was. If he says it was a difficult day for whatever reason that is your queue to let him relax and not jump in right away about your day. Just a few minutes can make a big difference. While women tend to want to talk all about their stress and vent, guys are more apt to need to decompress with some relaxation or by having some fun with friends.
4. The traditional gender role of men is as the provider and protector. This is not to say that a woman can’t take care of herself, of course she can. But in a family or relationship situation, the man still feels that desire to protect and provide for his partner and children. By understanding this deep need, you can motivate him to do certain things. For example, you may be able to persuade him to leave work early to attend his daughter’s dance recital by letting him know (in a non-accusatory way) that girls whose fathers aren’t very active in their lives often grow up being more promiscuous.
5. Understand the male ego. Being a strong protector plays into the male ego. Also, being independent and capable is important to their ego, or perhaps we should call it self esteem. Even the gentlest guy may feel threatened if you somehow insinuate that he is not capable of something, even if you are just trying to help. For example, if he’s trying to fix something and is having trouble, he may be offish when you ask if he needs help. So give him some space and let him figure out a solution on his own. This will make him feel better about himself and in turn he will be a better boyfriend or husband to you.
It’s not always easy to know what your man is thinking, but there are some ways to decipher what is going on in his head using relationship psychology. These 5 concepts a will help you understand and get along with your guy better. If you can internalize and apply them, you’ll find yourself and him happier and more secure in your relationship.