The Roots of Commitment Phobic Men Why won’t men commit? Unfortunately, many men are potentially commitment phobic. They are taught from a young age to be strong, ambitious and in control of their professional and personal lives at all times. These expectations result in a fierce independence. After all, how can men be in control while relying on other people? So even though women are as likely as men to have careers, the notion persists that men should fulfill the role of protector and provider. This mentality sets the stage for the common scenario that puts relationships on the fast track to futility.
The Commitment-Robbing Scenario The modern woman relishes her socially accepted right to ask out the man of her choosing. Despite this, the man, armed with romantic initiative, usually makes the first move in the realm of romance. He pays for the first date, then the next few. As the relationship evolves, he delights in, if not insists on, becoming the go-to guy for his woman. Need your car fixed? Got it covered. Need that bookshelf assembled? I’m your man. Want your surround sound hooked up? Allow me. Being problem solvers comes naturally to men and feeds their innate need to protect and provide for their partner. Women understand this and play the role of damsel in distress, not because they are helpless, but because they believe it is what their man wants. Besides, isn’t it the natural and expected role of a boyfriend to take care of these kinds of things? For most couples, yes. But here’s the irony of it all: men often become overwhelmed by the extra responsibilities they have chosen to take on. They begin to feel the strain of added financial and time constraints levied by the relationship, which threatens their cherished independence and freedom. Unfortunately, men aren’t always adept at exploring their feelings. They sense that something is wrong but fail to see the connection between their choices and their feelings. Rather than remaining committed to the relationship, they begin pulling away and soon want out. The women involved are confused and interpret these actions as signs of commitment phobia.
Taming Commitment Phobic Men Balance is the essential key. Accept opportunities for your guy to be the strong, chivalrous knight in shining armor he craves to be, but not all the time. Graciously decline some of his offers of help. Arrange for your car to be fixed on your own. Take a taxi rather than relying on him for a ride. Offer to pay or help pay for dating expenses on occasion. If he objects, casually say, “Oh, I can take care of it this time,” or, “I’d really like to contribute.” He may not realize it, but you are protecting him from overextending himself and preserving his sense of freedom. Moreover, most men respect and appreciate a good measure of independence in their women, even if they don’t admit it.